Wander

I need to stop this. This. I don’t know what this is, but it is driving me and the people around me crazy. Closest to this term is called wandering.

I am nearing paralysis and I don’t know how to remedy this anymore. It’s as if I am trapped in my jail of fault. I could do a bit to cure the situation, but nada.

Instead, I wander. And I wonder…wonder what if?

It’s a cycle that I want to get out of. I want to be free from this wandering. I want to have goals and dreams, or rather, I want to fulfill the goals and dreams I had before.

I don’t know what is in it for me anymore.

I suck at life. I have failed so many times. I just suck.

But life goes on, and I need to get out of this. I need to learn from my mistakes and become a better person. I need to keep on looking for what God wants me to do, where I will be good at, and where God will be most glorified.

Jim Carrey said, “You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”

I am rethinking and praying for what lies ahead. I don’t want to label myself as a failure anymore. Conan O’ Brien said, “It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It is not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.”

Transitions, Transitions

That has been my 2016, so far.

From North, I transferred to South. I left home and my family. Packing things ain’t easy, especially leaving my baby dog (due to my schedule and environment, my Kuya will be a better baby sitter). I miss them so bad; Daddy, Mommy, Kuya, and Kuya Duncan. I miss how I am so much of a bunso who has always been taken care of; and now, it will take me two hours of travel before I could hug them. Especially Sochi. Oh, I mean, especially my family…and Sochi. Hug.

From being a single lady, he put a ring on it. I love how God orchestrated our wedding and how he united me and my husband, Jovan. But being a wife is something I am still trying to learn. I was then selfish; one month has passed and I am still not sure if I am ready to share my chocolates with a new person, yet. Okay, maybe a bite or two.

From a long frizzy hair, to a short fierce hair. The salon people used my hair for a good cause; turned it into a hair extension. My hair lived life to the fullest (or should I say, lived death to the fullest?). You served me well. NOW FLEE!

From waking up late to waking up early. EVERYDAY. Disclaimer though, my husband has still been struggling to pull me out of our bed. Sorry husband. Someday, you won’t hear me say, “5 minutes pa, Hunny” and sleep for 30 minutes. I will try to stay true to my word and use the 5 minutes wisely, should you give me the chance to taste that quick pleasure. If not, then I will catch sleep in the bathroom, instead.

From 25 to 26. I wanted to get married on or before I reach my silver year, ever since I was 18 years old. We did it! Because of that, I needed parental advice before I could get married. Thank you, parents, for allowing me. I am a big girl now. Mwah. It is my first birthday as a wifey, and I am lovin’ it. Thank you for the breakfast, Hunny.

Nothing much has changed; just…almost everything.

I am overwhelmed; but mostly, grateful.

Grateful…

That I was able to overcome my fears, especially fears about not being able to do what I am supposed to do. Responsibilities, you know.

That I was able to endure traffic and long hours of waiting. I am really good at sleeping, so travelling is not really a problem…until I WAKE UP. Patience, I need you in my life.

That I haven’t been a cry-baby since I left home. But maybe if I won’t be able to cook my favorite seafood meal, then that is the time I would cry, “MOMMMMMYYYY”.

That I was able to cook, clean, and do things that I don’t normally do (yes, you guessed it right; waking up early).

That I was able to take a risk of letting go a big part of my comfort zone (hair, family, and dog). They are still there, just, a few hours away from me. *wipes tears*

That, I became a strong-er woman…hopefully being molded into the person God wants me to become.

That, Jovan is with me. You are an awesome roommate who not only pays the bills, but loves me unconditionally. Will give you the other bills later (mostly your gifts for me. Bought them for you!)

That, God is with us.

That, I am alive.

So to the 26 year-old lady who wrote this, good job. Don’t give up. A lot more is waiting for you. Don’t braise yourself above the fire of too much anxiety. BRACE yourself, Allison. You are in a process of learning things.

Transition isn’t so bad; everyone goes through it. Keep the faith. Be strong. You can do this. We can do this, self. If not, Hubby can do it. If you both can’t, you know that God has been working all along.

And oh, Happy Birthday to you, me, my dear self.

United through Christ, (Ms. Alberto + Mr. Jotojot), now yours truly,

Mrs. Jotojot

P.S. Here is our wedding photograph!

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Photo by Marione Garcia Photography

Day 8 // Savoring Moments

The work load threw my clock in the waters and my sense of time got lost. So much has happened just after my last post. A new work load, and a lot more of it. I was dumbfounded (thesaurus, thanks) but that’s part of life: working to survive.

After a week full of tasks, Jovan and I grabbed coffee and watched Julie and Julia. I watched it again with him just so he can see through my facial expression how much I love the movie. He loved the movie, too. I guess it’s because he loved the idea of watching food and people eat food. AND PEOPLE COOKING FOOD.

Sometimes, a word says it all.

So there, we were watching while I was sipping my Java Chip Frappuccino (his was a Christmas cookie Frappuccino) partnered with an Oreo cheesecake that I made (He loved it so much. He kept on saying ang SARAAAAAAAAP. I was waiting for other descriptions, but “ang sarap” is fine.) I also made graham balls and made my own version of what I’ve seen online; too much goodness, you can’t get enough of them!

oreograham

Julie is so me and Eric is so you.

Jovan can verify that I, too, go through a lot of meltdowns just like Julie and that he is so much of an Eric. How Julie is full of ideas and emotional struggles and how Eric loves to eat anything Julie cooks and supports her in anything she desires to pursue. He says, “Yum” without further descriptions. He was really sincere about it.

Are all men like that?

I was waiting for an “oh my, the APC and cream cheese were perfectly blended, had the right amount of sweetness and saltiness, it almost tasted like heaven.” I guess men are like that, they opt to say “yum/sarap” just because…they think the food is really “yum/sarap”. I am good with that. I love how appreciative men can be in their simplest ways.

Savor means “taste and enjoy it completely.”

Despite the busyness, I savored the load. I savored the movie. I savored the coffee. I savored the simplicity of “SARAP”. I savored life. I enjoyed every part of it. That’s life, we may struggle along the way but there is always a way to endure them – and that is enjoying every part of it.

Watching this movie gave me a boost again. Julie had a lot of meltdowns and cooking adventures before hundreds of publishers bugged her before-quiet life. Julia went through a tedious process of testing recipes and typing them one by one before publishing a book of her own.

Me? I am just here, jotting down my ideas on my notebook. I just have to trust God, to be disciplined, to be inspired to keep on keeping on, to seek Him, to focus, to choose what is right, and to continue being the voice of someone.

For now, I will savor whatever passes my way.

Day 7 // The Voice of Someone

Do you know that my story was featured in RIGHTNOW.PH? What story, you say? It’s the story of God’s protection over my life.

DIE NOT YET

Go ahead, check the link here.

It feels so good to be recognized as a “writer” even though I know, without a glitch, that I still have many things to learn about writing. Prepositions, sentence construction, grammar, punctuations, puns, etc, still get me confused. But this opportunity to share my story gave me a boost again.

I once heard, “when you write, you are a writer.” (Does writing on post-its count?) Jeff Goins also said, “People ask me all the time what advice I have for them in regards to their writing. Honestly, most of what I say to them boils down to this: JUST SIT DOWN AND WRITE. I wish it were more complicated (or mystical) than that, but it’s not. Writing is an art, but mostly it’s a craft. Which means that almost anyone can do it, if they put in the practice.” Here I am, sitting down and writing. TAKING THAT STEP AGAIN AND AGAIN.

What if I don’t write? If I don’t, the world will not care. No one would even notice and the world will revolve the same way.

But maybe, just maybe, I am the voice of someone like me.

When I read blog posts, I usually say, “THAT IS TOTALLY ME! That’s my dream! Wait, she’s saying exactly what I wanted to say! Woaaaaaaaaah, did I write that post?” I can be the voice of someone out there. Someone needing, exploring, finding herself; someone who has something to share. That person might be out there trying to look for someone who knows their triumphs and struggles in the past, present and future. That someone might be finding for someone like me, who is like them. Do you get my point?

“You are the voice of someone out there.”

That stuck with me when I attended a seminar. That alone is enough inspiration for me to keep on writing (hopefully avoid blabbering) and inspiring others of my humble beginnings and random thoughts.

I’ve seen blogs that started from scratch, had awful web designs and posted crappy write-ups. Going back to their sites now made me witness so much improvement. Now, they are reaching to hundreds and maybe thousands. I, too, can be like those people. And you can, too.

I am trying to continue on with this journey of writing random ramblings on a daily basis. I should improve else, I’d keep on writing about how much I want to write. Imagine reading posts after posts about my frustrations?

By writing, I am finding myself more. I am coming nearer to the success of my heart’s desire. I am becoming better. My goal is to make others feel better about themselves, too. No weakness should limit us from reaching our dreams.

I will never forget my posts – crappy and beautiful ones (the internet will never forget, unless I delete the entire post or burn all the devices in the world). I’ll be up there (with successful people) someday, trying to enjoy the benefits of taking it slow and praying as I walk every step towards my goals.

For now, I will work on what I am – a voice of someone “seeking” LIKE ME.

Day 6 // I Never Understood Until I Tried

Two weeks ago, I was put in a situation to choose between (1) PAIN to be straightened up or (2) EASE and remain the same. I chose the first one, AND I HATED EVERY PART OF IT.

EXCRUCIATING PAIN.

I saw people go through this but when I myself was subjected into it, my heart felt sorry for those people. I felt sorry for myself. I felt sorry for the whole world of crookedness.

What’s worse? Eating and drinking felt like torture for survival. I have never felt this IRRITATED IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

I have always loved singing, but in this season of my life, singing turned to suffering. It was painful at every note. Suddenly, everything I loved backfired on me.

But I chose number one because it was the only way I could be right, well, more right than the present situation. I had to go through it even if it hurts. Even if it’s painful. Even if I needed to wait and endure. It’s the only way.

Two weeks have passed and I don’t feel much agony anymore. No more tears and cringing. I have come to my senses that this will be a part of my existence. Someday, this will be gone. But for now, it’s the only way that I can be okay.

BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE NEW ME!

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TADAH! I have braces! I have gotten used to it (until the next adjustment). Thanks to my dentist brother for doing this.

Someday, I’ll be smiling with freedom again. No more crookedness. Someday.

 

Day 5 // Focus

Remember that time when I said that I was feeling dry? That explains why it took me more than a month before I could write day 5. Excuses. What compelled me to write again, you ask? I just decided that I am tired of waiting to be motivated by external factors where in fact, I myself can motivate myself. Makes sense?

I have a bunch of things in mind, my planner is getting full, and I am paralyzed. I have dreams and hopes that I want to achieve right away. Confused and occupied. Oh well.

What occupies me now:

  • I have been trying to learn more about the ins and outs of starting a business. My closest friends know how much time and effort I have been putting on in studying this – I AM SOOOOOO GOING TO DO THIS! I have tried to come up with a product and just this afternoon, I drafted a brand name and logo. I am not yet so serious about this – like PLANNING SERIOUSLY – but hey, I might forget these ideas so might as well jot them down. Want to see a glimpse?

focus

Watch out.

  • I have been searching for seminars and other trainings that will help me learn different crafts. I need someone or some sort of a program to push me to do something, else, I’d keep on dreaming and taking action inside my head. I have liked pages that will help me, searched for classes to enroll in, and listened to the insights of some experts.
  • This month is a very busy season for me. I am overwhelmed, but, I am studying Psalms anyway. His Word is food for the soul especially in times like this.
  • The words “delayed gratification” are becoming truer and truer in every aspect of my life as I age.
  • I’ve let go of a lot of baggages.

And because I want to do a lot of things but don’t want to focus on one, I’ve been slapped with an advice:

FOCUS. Don’t spread yourself out too thinly. When you FOCUS on one thing, there’s a bigger chance that ONE thing will move forward versus wanting to do so many things at onceRhiza Oyos

Oh right. Thanks for the reminder. I will focus. And I will start by writing again. Where is my copy of Julie and Julia again? I need a spoonful of inspiration.

Day 4 // Dry

There are countless of times that I feel dry, just like this pomelo I’m eating right now. What I love most about eating this fruit is when the bits are squished and the juices splash in my mouth. Spell F-U-N. However, this particular pomelo disappoints me as if the juice monster took away all its juice. Spell U-N-H-A-P-P-Y. Bleh, I’m eating it anyway. I’m forcing myself right now to take a bite. Here I go…..nomnomnomnom……sqwenk! That’s the sound of an unjucified pomelo. Sqwenk. And that’s how I sound during dry seasons.

Have you ever felt lacking inspiration to inspire you and others? Come on, someone has to tell me I’m not the only one who feels that way. When I woke up this morning, I was so excited to write my blog post for day four. I even curled my body in so much kilig because wow, I have 5 avid readers waiting for my daily posts. Feeling like a celebrity, I know. And then the scary part came—-Uhm…what to write about? I haven’t gone through a lot lately (like 4 hours ago). I spent time listening to Christian songs and talking to God. I guess that’s the juice that I needed. I am just so glad He has this unlimited power to supply me with, else, I will be a prune waiting to be eaten.

Since I couldn’t think of anything to write about, I’ll just tell you about what happened yesterday. Yesterday was a sign that the end is nearing. It felt like the things in the book of Revelation were coming into reality. Yes people, I have witnessed one of the worst traffic jams in Quezon City. I spent more than two hours of my lifetime from Technohub to Philcoa (usually lasts for less than a minute). And then the rain started to fall continuously, which effected to a flood in Manila. So my supposed appointments were cancelled. Friends, repent of your sins; dooms day is coming.

I felt very hungry and nature kept on calling me but I couldn’t leave the FX. I was craving for fries yet I can’t do anything. I tried writing but nothing was coming out. I was caged. Helpless, defenseless, powerless, and every strength-related adjective with the word “less” attached to it; all those described my entirety.

There will be those times, you have nothing left but yourself; weak and dry. What I learned is, there will be those times. Uhm. I think I am not making any sense right now. Am I…feeling dry? I am. I guess I am.

Hmm. Let me end this post with something. Something inspirational. When I am feeling weak and dry, I always sing the song “Oh God, You are my God (Psalm 63)”. There was a day when I put the song on loop until I fully understood the Psalm.

Oh God, You are my God

Earnestly I seek You

My Soul thirsts for You,

My flesh yearns for You

In a dry and weary land

Where there is no water

I remember you at night

Through the watches of the night

In the shadow of your wings

I sing because you helped me

My soul clings to you

And your hand upholds me

You alone

You alone

I guess, all I needed was Him alone.

Day 3 // When a Hero Becomes Vulnerable

If I would be asked to identify a hero that I look up to, it would be the guy I met years ago. I was about 5 years old when I first had a picture with him. He was standing right at my back, maybe thinking about the lines he was about to deliver, not listening to a word I was saying. He was one of the unknown kids.

hun

Guess I felt like a star then and thought he was just one of my fans.

Years went by and still, I haven’t gotten the chance to know his name or even have a glimpse of how mighty he was.

Then 2008 came. I was a stranger in the pack during the camp. After water guns were distributed for usage for the games, he pointed the water gun near my face and in defense, I shot him thinking that he was about to attack me. He was shocked with what I did. I was shocked as well.

In due course, from afar, I noticed how he bloomed for the Lord. He became a network leader, invested on his disciples and friendships. He changed what he had to change as per God’s instruction. There was a concrete evidence of faith.

Time came when he decided to love me and fearlessly take the risk of courting me. All he had was God and a cupful of courage. Until now, he has been pursuing me. But more than what he did then and now, what makes him a hero of mine is his courage to take on risks. I have always known that he’s a strong and mighty man of God.

Just so you know, I have always been the vulnerable one — the one he carries during flood, the one he comforts in times of sadness, the one he calls a million times when I didn’t want the world to care for me, and a lot more. He has always been the strong one — the one who makes decisions that would greatly affect our future, the one who would fight for me, the one who was stable in all aspects, etc. I sometimes wonder where that amount of strength comes from.

Yesterday, I witnessed his vulnerability.

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Just like the superheroes who have flaws, I couldn’t believe that my hero has them, too. He did not eat dinner, he was frugal with his words, and he was silent. All these I’ve seen and I didn’t know what to do. Don’t blame me, I was used to seeing him strong.

I spent the whole night praying for him. I couldn’t tell him that everything will be okay because…how would I know? Words left in my mouth were, “In crisis and success, I will support you.” And let me add, “No matter what, I will be here for you.” I don’t fully understand the situation, all I knew was; God has a great plan for his life.

Every so often, people desire to fast forward to the future in able to readily experience God’s wonderful plan for them. I guess this is where patience and trust come in the picture. We all have to learn to trust God that He has prepared the best journey for us. In the end, whatever happens, God will be glorified.

This morning, he called me to wake me up. He did his usual routines despite what he went through. If I were him, I might be swimming in my own tears trying to bury myself in my own bed sheet. He was ready to go back to work as if he was okay. I checked up on my hero, “Good morning. How are you? Been praying for you ‘til I fell asleep.” He said, “Good morning. I’m feeling better. Thanks for praying.”

FEELING BETTER? That quick? Again, I ask, where did he get that much strength? I am teary-eyed as I type this. I have never felt so much pain for not being able to do anything about the situation but pray. I admire him so much.

He is still my hero and he’ll forever be. I am very sure that he was made for something great. I am amazed with how God has turned him into the man that he is now. I am amazed. I hope he knows that his faith and strength inspire me to keep on keeping on.

Hun 2

Thank you, my hero. I am here for you.

 

Day 2 // Risks, Love, Discipline

I’m currently in the car while typing this as we head home. It’s mommy’s birthday today. I cancelled all my appointments (like watching tv and cuddling with my rowdy Sochi) to spend time with my family. Birthdays and other special holidays should be blocked for family togetherness; that’s a must. Don’t get angry if I say no to ice cream dates in exchange for them. And oh, Kuya Duncan wasn’t able to come with us. In revenge, we took this photo and posted it on Facebook.

Kuya Duncs

That’s what happens when one misses family dinners.

Usual scenario in the car: RIOT. Everyone has their own opinion on where to eat. One wants Tokyu. But my oh my, one more trip to that restaurant, I am pretty sure I will grow nori (seaweeds) on my cheeks. One wants Chinese. I am not a fan of Chinese food. PERIOD. Those are three periods for emphasis. Come on, enough MSG in my nerves. One wants steak. I agree, I think I like steak, too. If the trip to the restaurant lasts 30 minutes, it will mean 30 minutes of eternal debate on where to eat. Me? I just want to eat. That’s my stand. Typically, I am very choosy when it comes to food. But going to three countries (Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand) turned me into a different person. I was compelled to eat the local food and let me tell you, I ate the oddest and the yummiest kinds. No regrets. I can’t explain to my family that it’s not bad to take risks. If we get disappointed with the food we have chosen, we can opt not to go there next time. But if we become happy with the outcome, then hurray for us, we’ll go back until we get bundat.

Life involves risks. As I get older, I have learned to take more risks like transferring to another job, investing on stocks, and grabbing every business opportunity that I can take. If not now, when? I don’t like to keep on dwelling on my comfort zone.

Four years ago, I have finished a book entitled Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. That book really changed my life; I suggest you grab a copy. Gist: It’s about a Nobody named “Ordinary” who left the Land of Familiar to follow the dream that was given to him by a Dream Giver (I see what you did there); basically, he followed his God-given destiny. Ordinary had to get out of his Comfort Zone, decide to move forward to reach for that dream. Along his journey, he went through the Border of Bullies (as stated in the book, these equate to concerned parents and skeptical friends) and Wasteland, he fought with the Giants in the Land, and met Moneyless, Rejection, Champion, etc.  Want to know the end of the story? I won’t tell you. Just buy the book! Which reminds me, I might read the book again. Risks? I am taking them one by one starting this month. Unless I make that decision to leave Comfort Zone, I won’t go anywhere. Brace yourself for this gambler. And before I get carried away, I’ll get back to my story—the journey to the restaurant.

After lots of “eh mas masarap ‘nga kasi dito.”, “huh, dyan nanaman? Wala na bang iba?”, “Hindi ba natin pwedeng itry dito naman?”, Mommy realized that it is her birthday, which means a buffet meal at Saisaki-Dads-Kamayan will be free for the celebrant. She also had a coupon hiding in her pocket. That’s free buffet for two adults. After much deliberation, we went there and ate with all our might.

Usual scenario: Daddy gets everything that entices his eyes, but doesn’t eat everything. Mommy scolds Daddy for getting food that he doesn’t like and finishes what Daddy cannot eat. Mommy gets food for them because Mommy knows what Daddy likes. Mommy accurately knows Daddy well. True enough, Daddy eats what Mommy serves. On the other side of the table, there’s me and my Kuya. I go to the sushi table to get fish meat, then to the meat section to get roast beef, and then tempura and salad, custard, halo-halo, etc., etc., etc.! I ate “etc.,” too! And then the cycle goes on. My brother has his own way of eating at buffets. Aside from eating a lot, he also eats a lot with a pinch of etc., too. The moment we feel full, that’s when we take pictures. That’s us. ALWAYS. Just like last year. I wouldn’t choose another family. This is what God has given me.

A band came to us and played a birthday song. Mommy was so shy! She is not fond of being the center of attention. I requested a song – Love On Top by Beyoncé. At first I thought the girl wasn’t going to reach the notes that scaled up to 5 levels. I was wrong. SHE WAS ABLE TO NAIL IT! When they left, I realized that I couldn’t do that. I can sing at weddings, but this one’s hard. If anyone asks me to sing Love On Top, I will surely opt to clean the dishes instead. Kudos to her. Then Kuya said, mahahasa ka kapag arawaraw mong ginagawa. I guess I should try even harder when pursuing something. A habit becomes a habit when done regularly. Put a little excellence in it and you’ll smell success in no time.

This day was full, literally. Day two of random thoughts and God is showing me something already. Take risks, love your family, be disciplined. God is with us so we don’t have to worry. 

“Courage is not the absence of fear; rather, it’s choosing to act in spite of the fear. You could say that without fear, you can’t have genuine courage. When you do act in courage, you discover that fear doesn’t have to stop you. You see that what you thought were your limits are more like starting points.”
Bruce Wilkinson, The Dream Giver

 

Day 1 // Rants which actually led to blessings

It’s the first day of October. Been awake since one in the morning. I decluttered some things to start anew before I went to work, went to the doctor to have my throbbing stomach and freckled skin checked. I’ve been waiting for hours, but the doctor isn’t in yet. Grrrr.

To divert my attention, I bought a dilly sandwich from DQ, which I used to eat when I was in college. It reminds me of my practicum days when a peso loved to play hide and seek with me.

italianni's

At Italianni’s and in front of it, there’s DQ.

Thirty-nine pesos then was a huge amount for me, thus, every bite was a luxury. And now, I can eat it without having to worry if I’d have enough for a jeepney ride back home. I am privileged to witness how God blesses His children.(Update, I went home safely with p3.00 left in my purse. Praise God for His provision! But next time, I’ll hide some money in between the caves of my bag for emergency. Lesson learned. Lesson Learned.)

While typing this, a man sat beside me and borrowed my charger. He’s plugging it now in front of me. There he is, plugging it in. Aaaaaaaaaaand——-Plugged. Thank you, mister. Just so you know, I kinda didn’t like it. Thank you. Not that I don’t want to lend him, I am just afraid of what he is capable of doing, like pull a knife and chop some carrots on my lap. I don’t know. Which reminds me on the way to the clinic, I had a mild panic attack; I was freakin’ out the whole 15-minute ride due to fear of being stabbed again. Last year, I got stabbed by a kid near SM north and I can vividly remember how it almost hit my chest. Blood was all over the place. Every time I pass by that road, my mind struggles like crazy. What if a kid opens the door? I freaked out. I freaked out. Below is a photo of the aftermath.

Saksak

I am deeply touched by the outpouring of prayers and support to Allison and family. Halos buong congregation napasugod sa hospital. Namangha mga security guards! The stabbing incident could have been worse, but God is in control. Nothing goes beyond His permission. Kahit ano pa, it’s more fun with SBCCers, global pa ang coverage. Praise the Lord, indeed! ~ photo and caption by Pastor/Ninong Dave

I never thought this amount of people would care for someone like me. We almost held a prayer meeting in front of the hospital!

I am still waiting for my doctor to come. I don’t know where she is; she wasted 3 hours of my life. Whatever her reason is, argh. Oh well, I read a post on FB, “Water is the source of life. Because without water there is no coffee, and without coffee, I’d kill you all!!!” haha. Funny. I laughed out loud. Don’t judge me, I need something to make me laugh right at this moment. Harhar. Funny. Positive thoughts, where are you?

*cricket sound*

Finally! Doctors! I’ve waited for them for hours, and they checked me up for less than five minutes each. WOW. Just WOW. I don’t think they are doctors. I think they are timekeepers; you know, those people who keep time, even time of others.  I am just glad that I am okay. That’s what they said. No, I am not going to go through endoscopy like what the gastro doctor said. Was he kidding me? No way I’m going through that procedure. Na-ah. My stomach’s okay, and so is my arm. I just have to put on triamcinolone with urea lotion, some steroids that flatten or whiten the spots, as recommended by the derma doctor who made me wait. Whatever that is, I just want the spots to go away, that’s all. That’s my wish for this day. Cry.

On my way to church, I slept like I went to a black hole. I couldn’t remember a thing, not even a dream, as if I was dead for an hour! Crazy! After that sinking deep sleep, I woke up realizing that I was stuck in Rotonda for so long due to a sea that fell from the sky in España. My mom said to her friend, “Uy, may dala akong manok kasi birthday ko bukas. Kaso mukhang hindi na ako makakadating kasi baha. Sayang naman ito.” Her friend responded, “Ay naku friend, kainin mo nalang ‘yan at baka maging tinola pa yan dito sa tindi ng baha.” I pity Manila people for being prone to flood. Hope everyone’s safe, though. It’s my Mom’s birthday tomorrow.

Mommy

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

These random things taught me something: you may go through rough times, your patience may even be tested, but in the end, you will see how God will work magnificently —JUST TRUST. Provision, rest, safety, good news—I got them all this day and yesterdays. So, need I rant some more?

God, You are good.

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